Bullying can be defined as the abuse of power and aggressive behaviour with the intention of bullying regularly and repeatedly. Bullying can include hitting, kicking, punching, threats, spreading gossip stories, sarcasm, disparagement or ridicule. Bullies try to get control of other children by using bullying words or by manhandling them. They act hostile and aggressive towards their victims.
Girls and boys can be bullies or show bullying behaviour. Boys are more likely to bully their victims physically by hitting or kicking them, while girls bully indirectly by spreading gossip stories or by excluding a child from the group. Bullying can start at nursery school or during the first few years at primary school. It can escalate and reach a peak at the end of primary school or the beginning of high school. By the time such a child reaches the end of high school, the child may become involved in criminal incidents or show signs of gang behaviour. It is therefore important that you as a parent take steps to prevent the child from becoming a bully while the child is still young. It is important to take care of children who are bullied, but it is equally important to support the bullies themselves. Therefore, parents need to know how to identify bullying in their children.
There are different types of bullying, namely physical, verbal, emotional, racist, sexual and cyber bullying.
A child who bullies:
- has friends who bully others;
- is regularly sent to the headmaster’s office, or has to stay after school for detention;
- blames other people or children for their problems;
- is obsessed with his/her popularity and reputation among learners;
- is very competitive;
- gets involved in physical or verbal fighting;
- gets angry or aggressive quickly;
- suddenly has new possessions or extra money that cannot be explained; or
- takes no responsibility for his/her conduct.
It is not always easy to admit that your child may be a bully. As a parent, you don’t want your child to be a bully for the rest of his life; the situation can worsen as the child grows older. It is therefore important to always keep an eye on your children’s behaviour so that you will recognise any of the characteristics mentioned above. Children know it’s wrong to bully others, therefore they do it when there are no parents nearby. Cyber bullying is also increasing because the internet is considered a parent-free environment. Because parents are in the dark about what their children do on the Internet and their cell phones, they have no control over the situation or the negative consequences of cyberbullying on their children. Parental supervision is essential to stop bullying.
Dr Joel Haber, an expert on bullying and author of the book Bullyproof your Child for Life, says your child may be a bully himself if he/she:
- excludes others from his/her group of friends;
- continues with unacceptable and unpleasant behaviour after you have already told him/her to stop doing so;
- is impatient with and disrespect children who are considered to be different;
- regularly ridicules or torment other children;
- continuously plays aggressive and cruel video games;
- hurts animals; or
- hurts or defames other children.
As a parent you have a tremendous influence on your child’s life. We all are normal people who sometimes show bullying behaviour – it is natural and does not necessarily mean we are bad people. It is important that we should think openly and honestly about our own behaviour and then ask ourselves whether our children also show this kind of behaviour.
It is imperative that parents under no circumstances reject the bullying child but treat him with lots of love. And they should not hesitate to get expert help.
Please download AfriForum’s anti-bullying guide for more information by clicking on the following link: https://www.afriforum.co.za/wp-content/uploads/Teenboeliegids_Digital.pdf; or send an email to leandie.brasler@afriforum.co.za and ask Leandie Bräsler to send it to you.
Leandie Bräsler: AfriForum: Coordinator for Leadership Development
