The Kingdom of Thailand – the land of smiles

On 25 January this year – after a flight of 15 hours – we were met at the Suvarnabhumi Airport by a friendly young man who enthusiastically helped us to load our luggage into his car. We were tired and silent, yet excitedly on our way to a hotel somewhere in the busy streets of Bangkok.

Six months of planning and waiting had now reached a peak, because Thailand meant Bangkok with its raw culture, markets packed to the rafters with clothes and handbags; it meant city, lights and a buzz of people. Thailand also meant Phuket, the island where you are nourished by the sea, snorkelling, powdery white beaches, fresh fruit drinks, shopping and street food. Every market had at least one crocodile who had been too slow and was now slowly spit roasted for the curious and adventurous tourists. It goes without saying that our little South African group of friends wasn’t that adventurous. They say – whoever they are – that crocodile tastes like chicken. I’d rather have chicken, then.

Thailand is one of the most affordable holidays abroad that we have yet had. In total it cost us about R15 000 per person – which includes our flights to Bangkok and Phuket, as well as hotel accommodation. If you plan on shopping until you drop, budget for about R6 000 spending money per person for two weeks, which includes food and day excursions.

Save up and go explore the beauty and splendour of Thailand.

Some tips for when you visit this Asian country.

1. Include Bangkok in your travel plans. It may cost a little more, but Bangkok gives you a true picture of Thailand and its people.
2. Visit a night market. Thousands of people abound, but it is an experience and a half, and you can shop for next to nothing.
3. Smells will take your breath away – literally. Smells that we are unaccustomed to. It smells dirty, but we talked about it and attributed it to the foreign meat types that were being cooked, hot oil, the malodorous Thai fruit, Durian, of which the smell permeates the air where it is being cut, as well as the subterranean water drainage channels that flow underneath the markets and in which effluent water and food rests are thrown. The good news: You get used to it.
4. If you visit temples like The Grand Palace, you have to wear long pants and shirts with sleeves. If not, you will have to – like my husband had to – purchase a cotton pair of pants with elephants on it from a street vendor. This isn’t a punishment, really: You can get a very comfortable pair of pants for 150 baht, which is about R75.
5. You simply have to go on a tuk-tuk ride. These small tricycle cars dash to and fro and can teach minibus taxis a thing or two. According to my husband, it was a far better adrenalin-filled experience than a rollercoaster ride.
6. Do not mock the king or disrespect the photos of him that are exhibited everywhere in the country, because you can be given a jail sentence.
7. You will see lots of strawberry Fanta – really a lot, and at every shrine. The reason? When the Thai people develop land, they also erect shrines to house the displaced land spirit Chao Thi and ensure that he continues to guard the land. The sacrifices given include red Fanta, flowers, incense and sometimes something to eat. Red is the colour of blood, which means that these sacrifices replace a blood sacrifice. The simpler explanation is that the king adores red Fanta.
8. Speak English as simply as possible. Don’t try to be grand and use all the words to your disposal. Don’t ask: “Hi, how much does this cost?”, but rather “How much?” Don’t ask: “May I please have two of those?” You smile while holding up two fingers, asking friendly: “Two, please?” You will always be answered with a smile and you get a lot done.
9. You negotiate for bargains. Simply shake your head sideways and leave the shop if a price does not suit your wallet. They stop you quickly, asking what you are prepared to pay. Most of the time they are willing to compromise.
10. Every day at 8:00 and 18:00 something “strange” happens in Bangkok. Let me start over. We went to the Lumpini Park. The park imitates New York’s Central Park in the heart of the city, but of course on a much smaller scale. There we were, strolling leisurely along. It has a gymnasium and public pool, and most people were busy stretching or jogging. Suddenly, everyone stopped what they were doing, standing at attention. The world around us froze over. For a second, I was frightened. The next second, my brains argued that we would be treated to a flash mob in moments, but no, everyone remained upright and silent. My husband suggested: “Guys, this is a zombie apocalypse.” We stared at each other. But before we could get more worried, the world around us came to life again. The fairy-tale witch’s evil spell was broken and Snow-white woke up from her deep sleep. My journalist friend, Mari, allowed her instinct to take over and she cornered a young woman close to us, asking what had just happened. The explanation was as straightforward as they come: Every day at 8:00 and 18:00 the national anthem is played, and each and every one then stands still to show their respect. So – don’t get a fright or be caught off guard, or else you would look like our four uninformed South Africans: gaping like fish on dry ground.
11. Thailand is also known for its phallic monuments where the male organ is exhibited in all forms, sizes and colours. These temples apparently house female fertility spirits, and women who want children visit these goddesses for the desired outcome. It is definitely worth an Instagram photo! However, the economic climate in South Africa compelled us to rather not visit these monuments …
12. Visit Mega Plaza, a shopping centre with five levels that only sells collectors toys for display purposes. It is any nerd’s dream.
13. Visit Dreamworld. It is a fun park designed in candy colours where you can be a child again. There is a love garden, depictions of the Seven Wonders of the World, photo opportunities that only exist in children’s dreams, rollercoasters for the adventurous and even a cable car that glides over the park and lets you get lost in the magical views.

Bangkok – done! Now time for Patong, Phuket.

It was a young man who came to fetch us from the airport in his little bus. And what a bus! It was covered in gold – so shiningly gold, in fact, that we took photos of the roof! Colourful lights all over. It was much like a kitsch Christmas tree on wheels. And indicative of what we could expect from the island …

Tips and hints for Phuket:

1. Phuket has the most delicious fresh fruit drinks imaginable. You can also devour filled pancakes (the one with Nutella and dripping with chocolate sauce will leave you sweet for a week!) and hand-made ice-cream on the street.
2. You only need to pack swimming costumes, flipflops, sundresses and short pants. Unless you want to go see a cabaret, like our friends did.
3. If you wonder what you see in the reeds, these are water buffalo.
4. Rent a scooter. It costs around R250 per day and you get to experience the streets first-hand. You see more, smell more and explore more.
5. Drive to Freedom Beach. It is a hidden-away treasure that will take your breath away and the best place for snorkelling. The only catch is the difficult walk before being greeted by picturesque island views. It is worth the sweat.
6. Visit Old Phuket. It is beautiful and the old buildings take you back to the 1800s, when people from far and wide descended on Phuket for its rich iron-ore resources. Buy souvenirs in Old Phuket City or Bangkok, because there it is even cheaper.
7. A day excursion to the Phi Phi islands. Yes, I know, everyone wants to do it, but you would also want to. They take you to exclusive little beaches like the Coco and Maya beaches (the beach were Hollywood’s Danny Boyle filmed the well-known movie The Beach in 2000, but which is now closed due to environmental restoration), you snorkel and get a delicious lunch to boot – everything for R800 per person.
8. While referring to The Beach: If you watched the movie closely, you would remember a gross hotel in which Leonardo Dicaprio stayed the night. Although the hotel in the film is situated in Bangkok, it is in truth the On-On Hotel in Old Phuket City. The hotel was renovated in 2013, but Leo’s room – room 204 – was kept in its original state and you can spend the night there if you hold The Beach in high esteem.
9. Massages are extremely well priced. A full-body massage costs about 250 baht, which is about R125. Treat yourself!
10. Do try out the street food at markets. Most dishes have a pasta basis, as in our chow mein or chow faan, but they are more flavorous and therefore come as no shock to our South African tummies.
11. Be at the beach at 19:00 for breathtakingly beautiful sunsets and then go experience the night buzz afterwards. Patong’s Bangla Street cannot be described in words – it is overwhelming, it is impressive, it is worldly, it is crazy, it is fun.
12. For some or other reason you hardly ever see dustbins. You have to walk to the nearest supermarket if you want to throw something away.
13. Coffee and alcohol are expensive. A coffee can easily set you back R80, and a beer at a pub costs about 80 baht. Rather buy these at the supermarket 7-Eleven. But fresh fruit drinks are welcome substitutes in the stuffy heat. By the way, the humidity Is very high. If you don’t venture into the sea for some cool relief your skin remains sticky.
14. One thing bothered us, however. Elephants – Thailand’s national animal – are chained up and used as tourist attractions. I request you: Do not support these, as paying tourists are keeping this industry alive and well – and the elephants remain captive.

Although Thailand’s people are not rich, their hearts are full, they are rich in culture, their country is safe, and they live content.

It is no surprise that Thailand is known as the land of smiles.

Thailand guarantees tranquillity, safety, friendliness and a gold brown tan to boot.